


three times jeremy said he loved michael and the one time he didn’t

by florfering



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Christine Canigula - Freeform, M/M, Unrequited Love, and it doesnt magically disappear when you turn into an adult, no communication bc these boys are riddled with guilt selfishness and teenage angst, sorry folks, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 04:10:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12027825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/florfering/pseuds/florfering
Summary: michael is in love. jeremy doesn't know what to do.





	three times jeremy said he loved michael and the one time he didn’t

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cranks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cranks/gifts).
  * Inspired by [three times michael said i love you to jeremy in his basement and the one time jeremy said it back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11485524) by [cranks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cranks/pseuds/cranks). 



> ahhh happy birthday ritz bitz hot shit!!! i wrote this short motherfucker for your borth cause youre the Coolest Hot Tamale and i'm gay, so have fun??
> 
> real talk tho i wrote this bc this is kinda?? the fic that brought us together and that sounds really gay but tbh it's the Truth, so i wanted to do a tribute to that!! ilu ritz!!
> 
> note: for yall that haven't read the fic this is based off of/the spiritual successor to, blease read it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11485524)! you don't need to read it to know what's going on (you just need to know that michael is gay and jeremy is Not) but you Should bc it's some Top Tier shit yo

The first time was right after Jeremy had told Michael the first significant lie he’d ever told him in their fourteen years of friendship.

_“I love you too.”_

Jeremy was a coward, he was a fucking _coward_ , and he knew this. It’s just that—

Michael had never looked happier since the Squip incident. Jeremy couldn’t take that away from him. He put his book down. Michael crawled closer to him, lips slightly parted. His breath was coming out in soft puffs that Jeremy could feel ghosting against his lips the closer Michael leaned into him.

Jeremy’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Can I?”

Jeremy closed the distance between them. Michael moved his lips against his, and instantly Jeremy felt his stomach twist in regret.

But then Michael pulled away, a small, dopey smile on his lips. “I love you, Jeremy,” he giggled. And he said it again and again and again, using different inflections each time, like he was trying out the words and feeling the way they formed in his mouth.

Jeremy smiled at him. Michael was happy. He deserved it.

“I love you, Michael.”

* * *

 

The second time was while they were lying together, clothes strewn about on the floor and chests heaving heavily, absorbing the afterglow.

Michael whooped, flipping himself on his side. “Jere, that was amazing!” He snuggled up closer to Jeremy, groping around for the blanket and pulling it up to their chests. He looked up at Jeremy with an expression of pure exuberance, giddiness spreading to his flushed cheeks.

For a minute, Jeremy could believe that he was in love with Michael. Warmth had spread through his chest and he felt lighter than air. Michael was positively _glowing_ in the moonlight filtering through his basement window, mesmerizing dark eyes unobscured by his glasses.

But the spell was broken when Michael closed his eyes and dreamily whispered, “Love you.” And Michael had said it with a vulnerable sigh; it felt like a fragile secret that he trusted only Jeremy with, and immediately Jeremy felt something ugly rise in his chest. He’d been lying to Michael the whole time, but he _trusted_ Jeremy.

Jeremy swallowed his guilt. He leaned in close and pressed a light kiss to the space between Michael’s brows and whispered back, “Love you too.”

_I’m sorry._

* * *

 

The last time was when he was clutching Christine’s smaller frame, body shuddering in her arms. She was gently stroking his hair.

“I can’t—I can’t _do_ it anymore, Chris,” he sobbed. “I love him, but—” _Not in the way he wanted._

Every time Michael smiled at him with that innocent look in his eyes that was just so in _love_ , Jeremy felt bile rise in his throat. When Jeremy had to withdraw because he couldn’t be there for Michael, couldn’t return his love in the way he wanted, he had to clench his hands in his cardigan like he clenched his jaw, struggling not to let the truth slip out.

Michael deserved so much—so, so, so much.

So much more than Jeremy could provide him.

“I-I have to stop this.” Jeremy was more sure of this than anything else he had been in his short twenty years of life. Michael was going to be _devastated_ , and Jeremy honestly didn’t know if he would ever forgive him for this lie he’d been building. Michael had forgiven him for everything else, but this was going too far. Michael didn’t deserve this. Jeremy didn’t deserve him.

He sniffed one last time and glanced up at Christine. There was a grim set to Christine’s features, confirming his decision.

He _had_ to do this.

* * *

 

No going back.

Michael had realized the gravity of what Jeremy wanted to tell him when he didn’t respond to his jokes and gentle prods like he usually did. He paused their game.

“Micah, I—” Jeremy started, unsure of how to continue. He’d come up with a plan, notes, a script, but they all abandoned him at the moment of truth. No amount of detailed speeches could prepare him for the exhaustion filling every fiber of Michael’s being. The switch from his jovial self was as quick as a flicker.

Taking a deep breath, Michael leaned back on his beanbag and looked at Jeremy expectantly, seemingly bracing himself for something.

Jeremy swallowed and pushed down his nerves threatening to choke him. He started to reach for Michael’s hand to run his thumb across his knuckles, but he stopped himself. Normally, the repetitive, familiar action would calm him, but the guilt beginning to rise in his chest told him otherwise. He dropped his hand to his lap, gripping his controller harder and taking a deep breath himself.

He met Michael’s gaze.

“Michael, I-I’m sorry, but I think we should stop.”

His expression was unreadable. Then he sighed, saying, “I know.” Jeremy didn’t see this coming, but at the same time, he wasn’t surprised. Anyone could see how distant they had started to become.

“And?”

Michael seemed to hesitate. He looked away.

“I think so too.”

And then Michael looked back up at him and smiled. Despite being the one to suggest the idea, Jeremy felt something twist in his gut. Something flare up in his chest. Something that told him not to let go and selfishly keep Michael for himself.

Why did this feel so _wrong_?

What changed?

**Author's Note:**

> <3 to [hannah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pondify/pseuds/pondify) for betaing and being my emotional support through the whole process! ilu bro!!!!


End file.
